Reflections

People should cry at something like a college graduation. They should cry with joy at their accomplishment, and cry because a life-changing experience is coming to an end.

They shouldn't have to cry because their friend wasn't there with them to celebrate.

Yesterday was amazing. I'm very excited and happy that I graduated, and am happy for all of my friends and all the other graduates who achieved something great yesterday. But as much as I was excited yesterday, I was also really, really sad. I pretty much lost it when Dr. Lord-Larson acknowledged Branden's posthumous degree conferral, and I know people heard my voice crack during my speech. Branden was with me almost literally at every phase of my development as a teacher...in instrument tech classes, ed classes, Music 400, summer band...it's hard to accept that he wasn't physically there at the final phase of it. But I know that he'd be happy that we all made it, and would wish us happiness and luck.

And to anyone who ever has to play in an ensemble at commencement...I know it's a drag. I know that some of you (myself included) have done it 5,6,7...10 times or more. I know that even though we've had 2 chancellors, they still give the same freaking speech. I know the lunch they give you is totally lame, and that your Saturday is all but wasted.

Do know this: your presence is greatly appreciated by more people than you think.

I remember my freshman year, the Symphony Band had to play commencement. At the first December ceremony, and this would be barely 3 months after 9/11, we were playing America the Beatiful. As the melody of the piece started, the entire assembly went completely pin-drop silent, and everyone in Zorn rose and stood in silence through the whole piece. It was one of the most incredibly moving musical experiences of my life.

Yesterday, the Orchestra's performance of Nimrod had a very similar effect. Yes, it took awhile for the crowd to hush, and I thank Nobu for taking the time to silence the audience. But the emotion that was put into that performance was absolutely stunning. After the ceremony, I went up to Nobu and complimented him, and all he said was "It was all for Branden." To every member in the Orchestra: thank you so much.

Now that I've had this nice experience meant to provide closure, I have to student teach for another few weeks. With any luck, I'll get a call tomorrow or Tuesday saying that I have a job, and I'll be able to quit student teaching a few days early to start getting paid to teach. Here's hopin'!