No time for standing still

This is odd.

I am home (parent's house), it is late, and I am the only one up. There is no one else around. There is nothing that immediately has to be done, and no one else to give attention to but myself. I honestly don't remember the last time this happened. It used to be that I would take time fairly frequently to take a step back, figure out what was happening in my life, and reflect (and one wonders why I'm a teacher?). But recently, I feel that my life has been in fast forward since, oh I don't know, August. I haven't had any real time to myself, and haven't sat back to figure out what the heck was going on. I could list all of the events I find significant that have happened since then, but that would take up lots of space.

While I feel things coming on quickly, I feel confident in the direction I'm headed. I feel like I'm doing at least an adequate job teaching, and parts of it are really starting to gel and become enjoyable. While I dread the elementary program I'm planning, I know that it will all come together. I'm really, really enjoying working with the band. The trouble with working with Middle Schoolers is it's really, really hard to get them all to really, really enjoy it, or at least show it. It's also really hard to try to push these kids and make them do things they're not used to (like take their horns home every day, be accountable for practice/showing up to band), when you're the sub and aren't going to be around much longer. That being said, we're making music, and it's fun.

The job hunt is both exciting and terrifying. I feel hopeful with the amount of openings being posted, and am confident that I am a qualified person that a school will want to hire. However, there is a lot of anxiety that lies in the unknown. I want to find a job so I can find a place to live and start planning for the long term career-wise. I want validation that my time spent teaching/learning, typing cover letters & resumes, printing them off on fancy paper, mailing them out, making phone calls, trying not to sound pushy/desperate...is paying off. I also have to remind myself that it's still early in the game. <---that word, game, that's what bothers me. This all feels like a game. It's not like school where you have a syllabus and know what to do and what the outcome will be and where things need to go. This is a game where you are in control and have to do the right things and meet the right people and write the right letters...it's a silly game.

Well, I think I should turn in. One of the downfalls of the real world is my inability to stay up late. That's when I used to do all my intelligent and reflective thinking. I would stay up til 3-4 AM reading, writing, listening to music, and generally sitting back and soaking in life. I need to find a new time to do this, or I think I'll go nuts.